Let Them Eat Cake!

BRIOCHE BAKERY & CAFE
210 Columbus Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94133-4509
map
(415) 765-0412
briochecafe.com

OVERALL:4.4   FOOD:4.5   SERVICE:4   AMBIANCE:5   VALUE:4

It's the end of March, it's 77 degrees (30 degrees above my hometown!), it's sunny, and I have the day off -- Qu'on mange de la brioche!

A little piece of springtime in Paris (with some Moroccan flair), this spot is ideal for:

• people-watching (lots of sharp FiDi suits & skirts...oh là là!).
• enjoying pastries with unadvisably high butter content (croissants, briwats, and pain aux raisins, oh my!).
• getting your vitamin D on while sipping du café outside.
• surfing the Google on free Interwebs.
• generally living up la vie en rose.

Bon appétit!

Do those pearls come with fries?

PEARL'S DELUXE BURGERS
708 Post Street
San Francisco, CA 94109
map
(415) 409-6120
www.pearlsdeluxe.com 

OVERALL:4.5   FOOD: 4.5   SERVICE: 5   AMBIANCE: 4   VALUE: 4.5

I dunno how else to put this, but this place f***ing rocks my world.  Juicy burgers (organic Niman, grass-fed Estancia, or Kobe!!), regular/sweet potato fries, [malted] MILKSHAKES....Coronary irresponsibility never tasted so delicious!

Almost fried my brain deciding between the Bula (spicy pineapple teriyaki, swiss, bacon) and the Pesto (basil pesto sauce, jack, mayo & tomato), but ultimately couldn't turn down that bacon.  Threw in a Nutella milkshake & sweet potato fries for good measure (you know, it'd be such a shame to let all that artery space go to waste).  Less than 10 minute wait for 5 burgers, even got a complimentary order of fries!  Delicious, thick, creamy shake, hot crinkly-cut fries, and that burger...!!  Soft, toasted sesame bun crammed with a perfectly moist medium-rare patty drenched in tangy gooey sauce.....drrooool...wouldn't advise this for prissy types, cuz you're gonna need a wad of napkins, handiwipes, and preferably a hose down.  Leave your white silk blouse at home--go naked if that's all you got, but freakin' get your burger on already!

Whoa, Pardner...

COMSTOCK SALOON
155 Columbus Ave
San Francisco, CA 94133
map
(415) 617-0071
comstocksaloon.com


OVERALL:3.9   DRINKS:4   SERVICE:4   AMBIANCE:4   VALUE: 3.5

Not for the kiddies, this place serves up some serious drink action (food looks pretty adult, too, but haven't tried those goods yet)...And yes, you'll be out $8-$12 to have a taste, but whoaa! Your entire oral & esophageal  cavities will be free of organisms & bacterial squatters after all the alcoholic vapors are through. St's Buck was mahhhvelously stiff & gingery, as were the Moscow Mule + Blood&Sand...I might've had more, but things get kinda hazy after that point...

Stepping inside is like going back in time...place is decked out in kitschy 18somethings knickknacks and servers are bow-tied & waistcoated.  Small attic/mezzanine space houses a stream of live musicians on the antique piano or crooning over the guitar.  And check out the gas 'stove' & cush mini-lounge in the back corner.  Will def be back!

Mama Mia!

PAZZIA RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA
337 3rd St
San Francisco, CA 94107
map
(415) 512-1693


OVERALL:4.1   FOOD:4.5   SERVICE:4   AMBIANCE:4   VALUE:4


Wanted some Italian before hitting up an event @ the YBCA, and this place [or at least one person in this place] was pre-marinated, slow-cooked, infused, battered, and deep-fried in Italian. So OK, the food is pretty damn good (effing greasy pastas, but in that effing delicious kind of way): fresh, semi-crisp pizza napoletana, soft homemade bread, saffron white-wine risotto is to die for...but the REAL reason you'll want to come here is to experience [marvel at] the animated owner [free entertainment!].  I know stereotyping is bad, harmful, for small-minded people, yada*yada*yada...but this guy just oozes Italian-ness!

• Ridiculous dark, lush, wavy mane: check
• Fancy footwear [i.e., definitely animal-based]: check
• Unassuming yet deliberate machismo swagger [you know the one]: check
• Well-dressed (2 wardrobe changes, one of which included a fresh pressed mauve, French cuff shirt): check
• Olympic-grade Hand Gestures: check, check, check....and check
• Deep, golden tan: check
• Full vocabulary of rolled Rrrrs & geminated syllables [swoon!]: check

No, but seriously.....I only come here for the food.

Holy Chocolate!

CHRISTOPHER ELBOW ARTISANAL CHOCOLATES
401 Hayes St
San Francisco, CA 94102
map
(415) 355-1105
www.elbowchocolates.com

OVERALL:4.5 FOOD:5 SERVICE:5 AMBIANCE:4 VALUE:4

Sunday mornings are sacred to most god-fearing Americans, and I'm no exception. On more than one occasion, I've unearthed my Sunday best and dedicated my prime brunching hours to praising & worshiping.....CHOCOLATE.

Christopher Elbow has somehow created a space & experience that unites 2 of Girls' BFFs: chocolate & shiny! The bright little truffles are artfully displayed in pristine cases, throwing off golden sparkles (REALLY!), specks, and swirls. Except these pretty wares are better than any jewelry, cuz they're EDIBLE, and while they're several washingtons above Hersheys prices, they won't cost you 2 months' salary.

FAVES:

Rosemary Caramel, Caramel with Fleur de Sel, Venezuelan Spice. Drinking chocolate is Euro-style & decadently THICK...positively sinful! Best enjoyed in the snazzy lounge area w/somebody(ies) special....

Thank you, Jesus & amen!

What Pairs Well with Albino Gator?

MILANO PIZZERIA & ITALIAN RESTAURANT

1330 9th Ave
San Francisco, CA 94122
map
(415) 665-3773


OVERALL:4.3   FOOD:4.5   SERVICE:4   AMBIANCE:4   VALUE:4.5

*Disclaimer*
This review may be highly skewed, b/c:

1. I was heavily liquored up from NightLife.
2. I was about ready to gnaw off my own arm...just a touch hungry. Also see 1.
3. Wait....what?!?

First of all, if you can resist this place while walking within 2 blocks, you are not human.  Totally ridiculous good smells beaming you up into the Pizza Spaceship, garlicky cheesiness and all.  And then once you're inside, those red checkered tablecloths, the draft beer, even more delicious smells, and smiley server are just the clincher.  Order off the pre-set specials or freestyle it w/your own creation.  Large was enough to feed 3 hungry dudes + Yours Truly, and for $26+/-, that's a friggin good bargain.  Super fresh, hot, awesome gooey cheese:tasty topping ratio...COMPLETELY PERFECT.  And it wasn't even thin crust, so that's saying something major in my Neapolitan-obsessed book.

Still makes me drool now....you think I'm kidding.

Bikes, Babes, and Beer...nuff said?

ZEITGEIST
199 Valencia St
San Francisco, CA 94103
map
(415) 255-7505
zeitgeistsf.com

OVERALL:3.8   DRINKS:4   SERVICE:4   AMBIANCE:3   VALUE:4

Well, actually....it's more like Bikes, Beards, Blunts, and Beer, but who's keeping score?  No frills, no heat lamps, no designer suits spewing financial smack, no high-end manicures.  Toto, we're definitely not in Oz [re: Marina] anymore!!

Awesome beer garden w/tons of picnic tables, perfect for sharing frosty pitchers, sucking down an award-winning spicy Bloody Mary, enjoying fresh tamales...and getting lost in the heavy, herbal haze.